Sakura's Disaster
by MissModernTrekkie
Summary: When Sakura finds herself in a tight situation along with Naruto and Kakashi, she lies that she is a missing princess in an attempt to save her teammates. Of course, what will she do when a very unattractive prince believes her. The Solution: Sabotage!
1. All hell breaks loose!

Okay this isn't really very serious. I just wanted to write something fun and wah lah here it is. Reviews would be nice, maybe. Just read.

Disclaimer: Just in case someone didn't happen to see that this is fanfiction I'd like to take a minute to say that I do not own any of the Naruto characters (sniff, _WHY CAN'T KAKASHI BE MINE_?!!).

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It wasn't a particularly special mission. Team Kakashi (Naruto, Sakura, and of course Kakashi) had been sent on a mere A-ranked assassination mission in the Rice country and things had gone swimmingly. The target was down and it was time for them to return to Konoha to collect their reward; but first, the trio decided to stop for a quick rest to replenish their Chakra and enjoy the great outdoors. Little did they know that this casual delay would be more trouble than anyone would have imagined….

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Sakura playfully splashed at the cool lake water around her. She let her head sink below the surface and looked serenely up at the ruffled image of the sky, distorted by the barrier of water between her and air. She emerged breathing in the clean scent of the forest and gracefully moved towards her bag on the shore grabbing for the only luxury she allowed herself on missions with Team Kakashi… a bar of strawberry scented soap. After a hard day of sneaking around the ditches of enemy territory in search of her team's assassination target, she was more than willing to let the boys handle dinner while she scrubbed the layer of grime that covered her skin.

"I may have to live with Naruto and Kakashi out here in the wilderness but that doesn't mean I have to smell like them."

Untying her head protector she dipped it into the water and began to work on ridding it of the grass, blood, and various other stains. At long last she slipped it over a rock with her wet clothing and retreated towards the bank grabbing for a towel and squeezing water from her hair. Shuddering at the thought of placing the cold and soaked apparel back on her body she dug through her bag for the spare skirt she had quickly thrown in for such an occasion. She pulled it out but frowned in disappointment.

"Damn this isn't a skirt." It appeared she had accidentally grabbed her old red kimono in haste and although it was a lovely for more formal occasions she certainly could hardly deem it appropriate for fighting off bingo book criminals or hostile ninja. Sighing she slipped it on. "Oh well, I'll just wear this tonight and change into my real clothes when they are done drying."

She tied her hair into a graceful bun so that the water would not drip on the fabric and added a rhinestone encrusted hair clip ("if I'm going to wear this kimono I might as well complete the look while I'm at it," she justified to herself).

She picked up her belongings and headed towards the campsite imagining Kakashi and Naruto's reactions to her look.

"Well Kakashi will probably just ignore me, as usual, or maybe give me a disapproving glance. Naruto on the other hand... well he'll probably laugh at me for caring about hygiene on a mission." She smiled as she clenched her fist in anticipation, "and I'll have to give him a Tsunade style smack across the face."

As she approached the clearing where she left her comrades and where her nose was assaulted by the smell of burning food ("jeeze you would think at least Kakashi has enough experience not to overcook rice") she was startled to here a cacophony of unfamiliar voices.

"Look here men, two Konoha ninja hanging around rice country. Have we caught ourselves a pair of spies, or maybe assassins."

Sakura concealed her movements and ducked out of the main path. Unfortunately she would have to crawl in the dirt, again.

"UH! I really don't feel like dealing with this right now," she thought as she discretely moved from tree to tree for an assessment of the ambush on their campsite. When she managed to finally choose an opening on a tree branch where she could see her teammates without giving away her location she was startled to find a panicked Kakashi (well what she could tell from years of dealing with his personality as panic) and a fuming Naruto (well maybe not so startled in this case since this was actually quite typical of Naruto's behavior towards strangers). Taking a closer look and feeling the presence of quite a few ninja within close distance, she began to understand Kakashi's uncertainty. Clearly they were outnumbered, at least three to one. Even worse, their enemies seemed to be all rain jounin, tough guys that nobody would want to pick a fight with. Luckily, they seemed to be unaware of Sakura, leaving her the opportunity to deliver a surprise attack and hopefully give the three a chance to run away.

"If I can just dive and smash the ground, I can… oh shit!" she heard the fateful snap before she tumbled awkwardly into the brush below. She cursed her kimono for not giving her the flexibility to maneuver more stealthily as she felt a kick from behind.

"Behold, we have a third member of this party, a pitiful woman." Sakura rubbed the small of her back as she looked to Kakashi who seemed to mouth "smooth Sakura… real smooth." He would have to die for that later. She was about to make a clever retaliation concerning the comment about her being pitiful when she was suddenly met with a kunai hovering dangerously at her throat.

"Well shall we kill them? You know the policy, kill first ask questions later." Although Sakura was pretty sure this wasn't her death and that Kakashi would probably save everyone with one swift ass-kicking movement in a short time her thoughts were interrupted by a new voice that seemed to stop everyone in their tracks.

"Wait stop, don't lay another finger on my princess bride."

Naruto began to laugh "Wow you think Sakura is a- OW!"

Kakashi who seemed to remain objectively quiet throughout out this ordeal nudged Naruto in the ribs to keep him from blowing a possible get out of jail free card. He silently willed Sakura to use the confusion to her advantage.

Before Sakura had a minute to think she was being hoisted up and people were backing away. This was really frustrating, everything was happening way too fast. "What the hell is going on here?" Sakura thought to herself as a huge overdressed man waddled his way closer. One of the ninja had recovered from the interruption and began to argue with her chubby savior.

"Prince Oni you must be mistaken, these are ninja from the hidden leaf village. I recognize them, this is the famous Copy Nin Hatake Kakashi, and this is the nine-tailed fox boy, Naruto, and she is… well I don't know who she is but I'm sure she's with them." The" Prince" laughed deeply while his fat jiggled from place to place.

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that this delicate flower could possibly be a ninja?"

Sakura puffed her cheeks indignantly. "I am not delicate!" She began to move in protest but was stopped by a glare from Kakashi. Clearly he had something else in mind for her. "What does he want me to do… seriously; I do not want to deal with this right now!" The prince continued oblivious.

"Besides, don't ninja wear those forehead protector thingys?"Sakura's hands mechanically reached towards her empty forehead.

"Well I'll be damned, I forgot that I took it off at the lake," she thought. Suddenly, being the brilliant ninja she was, it dawned on her what she should do."Kakashi you can't be serious, you don't actually want me to… impersonate a princess! Who knows where the real one even is. If they find out we are all screwed." Besides Sakura really didn't think she could stomach the idea of flirting with the less than attractive Prince Oni.

"Well if it will get us out of this mess... and without any bloodshed… oh all right (jeez it was tough being a kunoichi)." Plastering on the most charming smile she could muster she spoke in her sexiest girly voice.

"Oh Prince Oni I knew we would meet soon, but alas myself and my subordinates are met with such hostility," she pouted, "did you send these mean men after me."

Naruto tried to laugh but again was quickly shut up by Kakashi. "Good job Sakura, use the situation to your advantage!"

The increasingly frustrated rain ninja shook his head and gestured towards Team Kakashi.

"Sir she obviously is lying. I'm telling you I know who these people-" He was interrupted by Oni who had pulled out of a picture of the girl Sakura assumed to be the real Princess Yumi. There really was an uncanny resemblance.

"Shut up, you will not talk this way any longer to my dear future wife."

Sakura's heart froze at this last comment. She could see a step in the future and she did not like the way the scenario was going to play out. "Even if I can manage to convince these people that I am this Yumi chick then what will we do? I don't actually want to marry this guy. How will we escape?" Despite her uncertainty a discrete gesture from Kakashi willed her to continue down her current path.

"Why sir, I assure you I am the beautiful and, uh, coveted Princess Yumi. And, well, um, I've come to accept your proposal."

Sakura wasn't sure where she was going with this but at least she made a start, she looked to her teammates.

"Oh, and these men are my, um, loyal servants. They aren't actually Kono- whatever ninjas… in fact they are just, um, dressed like famous ninja so that burglars will be intimidated and I will be better protected." Sakura knew she was a crappy liar but she sized up the Prince as an idiot.

"I might just get lucky here. Okay now for the final blow, Kakashi you are sooo going to owe me for this one!" She threw her arms around the Prince (well actually she could only manage to get about halfway around) and looked up with her daddy-can-you-give-me-twenty-dollars-for-that-new-set-of-kunai-I-wanted look.

"Don't you believe me my handsome, smart, and, uh, intelligent Oni?"

For a minute everyone stood in silence for various reasons. Sakura couldn't help but smile in satisfaction at the look on her teammates' faces. Naruto's lower jaw looked as if it was inches from the ground and Kakashi, well it just wasn't that easy to ever decide what Kakashi was thinking.

"Note to self, this guy must die!" Kakashi thought murderously to himself.

The Prince let out a deep bellied laugh (much to Sakura's horror) and began to move towards a cart that didn't really seem that prevalent until right about then. He silenced the rain Ninja who clearly wasn't convinced but gave up considering that his pay check wasn't worth the effort.

"Of course my cherry blossom! Away we will go to my palace where we will feast and then prepare the ceremony!" Sakura couldn't help but tense up. This would definitely not do, Sakura figured that she needed more time than what was being handed to her to make her escape.

"Ce-ceremony… so soon? Seriously a wedding ceremony? Uh, wouldn't you rather take a couple days to chat and, um decide if you truly love me?" Again she was met with a hardy laugh that didn't put her at ease in the slightest.

"My lovely Princess Yumi, known far and wide for her jokes. Come let us not waste another minute!"

Sakura restrained every muscle in her face from showing her panic at these words. Inner Sakura took over cursing Kakashi for not just delivering that one swift ass-kicking move she had expected him to that would have stopped this whole mess from escalating to this level.

"_I can't believe this! I can't be married to this guy! I'm going to kill Kakashi and Naruto for letting this happen! Now what the hell am I supposed to do about this_!"

Kakashi recognized that she had frozen up and decided to take the initiative to make the next move.

"Your highness, I ask that you give Lady, um, Yumi and us a private cart of our own for the duration of this trip. She has been walking far too much and it is our job that she is provided the utmost comfort."

Naruto tried not to laugh as he helped Kakashi. He wasn't sure he could suppress his mouth for much longer.

"Yeah our precious Saku- (he was kicked by Kakashi, again) I mean Lady Yumi requires only the best."

Oni clapped his hands and more ninja arrived with another cart for the Konoha trio.

"Anything for my beautiful Princess (he laughs, again)! Everyone hurry I wish to be home by nightfall. Quick, quick!"

Upon his release Kakashi sauntered over to Sakura who had become eerily silent. Although her face wore a serene expression Naruto knew not to come any closer to her and retreated ahead to the cart. He knew the rage in her eyes well enough to understand that any minute now all hell would break loose. As if in a dream, Sakura felt Kakashi take her calmly by the arm leading her towards her prison. She felt completely trapped, her head swam, and it took everything she had not to lose her lunch all over Kakashi's shoes. When finally she sank into her seat a few of her senses began to come back to her. She leered at her teammates who grinned sheepishly hoping that she would not decide to rip them in two. Kakashi was first brave soul to take responsibility.

"I'm sorry Sakura, this is entirely my fault. I should have never let things get this far." Naruto bowed his head, fully believing that a single glance at her eyes would probably result in his death.

"Yeah we're sorry Sakura, um we'll get you out of this, I promise." At the sight of an evil grin slowly appearing on Sakura's face Naruto decided to beg for mercy. "Please don't kill me!"

After several minutes of some understandable wallowing in self-pity Sakura began to see a loop- hole.

"What if I could convince the Prince that he doesn't really want to marry me?" She couldn't help but smirk at her brilliance. "Poor Princess Yumi, she won't have a chance when I'm through with dinner!"

Kakashi continued to attempt to argue with reason.

"Sakura please don't worry too much, I'll never let another man, uh, I mean Prince Oni to take you away from me, uh, I mean us." Sakura laughed before finally initiating her evil scheme.

"Oh you're going to help me all right!"

Naruto and Kakashi looked to each other in confusion at her apparent amusement. Naruto whispered to his ex-sensei.

"Either she has completely lost it, or whatever she is planning, I don't like the sound of it."

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(A/N Now the fun begins..reviews?)


	2. The Plan

Okay Next Chappie is up! Hope you like it! It would be lovely if people would review... please don't make me beg!

Again with the disclaimer: No, Naruto still isn't mine and no Kakashi is not mine either!

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Upon arriving at the palace, the three were accommodated out of their special wagon to a chamber that Oni manically insisted was prepared most luxuriously for Princess Yumi's arrival. Apparently luxurious meant a few more pillow cushions (extra large to fit the Prince's expansive behind) and a single gold vase filled with flowers. To be frank it wasn't all that impressive, but Kakashi and Naruto did their best to point out its positive attributes. It may have been to comfort Sakura but more to the point the creeeepy glare that seemed stuck in place on her mouth made them fear for their lives.

"Look, uh, Princess. There is a lovely _private_ room just for you." Kakashi leaned in closer to her ear so that the maids directing them wouldn't hear, "perfect for planning our escape in eh?"

Naruto also leaned in "Yeah and you always _like_ prissy stuff like bubble baths (feels the glare burning his retina), I mean free food anyhow so maybe this isn't such a bad thing right?" He laughed nervously.

Sakura muttered under her breath, "How about you both shut the hell up… I'm thinking!" Graciously her teammates backed off "Yes m'am."

At long last their escort bowed gesturing towards a closet where apparently a dinner gown awaited Sakura. She left with the parting announcement that dinner would begin at 7:30. The minute the door clicked into place the boys cautiously turned to Sakura to await their sentence. Always the braver of the two, Kakashi was the first to inquire her said plan.

"Well, um it appears you have some ideas, so if you would please tell us how we can assist you I will do whatever I can." Naruto struck his best optimist pose.

"Yeah! No way are we going to let this guy take you away from us, psh we can totally take the prince. I mean one right hook and that guy would be out cold for a week, huh ? huh? Or maybe I could bust his nose, or even pull a rug out from under him… although that might be kinda hard considering-"

"Stop it both of you, violence is not the answer." Sakura held her hand out to command silence. She thought it sounded a little weak considering she probably could beat Oni to a bloody pulp but hells bells it wasn't totally his fault that they had been captured. Actually he had been rather kind... as long as he still believed her lie, she knew he would never hurt her.

"_Besides, if I __lied my way into this whole__ nightmare just to avoid __bloodshed__, well dammit I'm not going t__o set the walls on fire now_." She turned to the boys.

"Actually, I have a better idea, and you guys are perfect for the job." She laughed evilly causing her teammates to glance nervously at each other for about the hundredth time that day.

"Um what exactly, do you have in mind… what… what's so funny?" Naruto prodded cautiously. Sakura paused her snickering and eyed Kakashi.

"If I tell you, you're not going to like it." She cleared her voice as Kakashi thought to himself what a bad idea it was to traumatize team seven all those years ago with those same words.

"Kakashi, have you ever worn a dress before?" He shivered at the idea of where this conversation was going.

"Well no not exactly, being a male that generally isn't a part of the uniform… what exactly do you have in mind." Sakura stood up and began to walk around the room. She was like a tiger playing with her food.

"Well supposing I was thinking about wrecking a dinner party, I would need accomplice's right?"

"Right…"

"Well… you don't honestly believe that Oni would allow me to bring in a male servant to our little date. Right?

"Um, yeah that seems logical..."

"Well, how should I put this, since your usual appearance is a tad too manly for this mission I think we are going to have to make you a bit more feminine." At this Kakashi began to pale as Naruto pointed and laughed at his misfortune. Sakura couldn't help but feel justice was served by the look on his face. Although she didn't truly think this piece of her plan was completely necessary, what the hell… who wouldn't want to cause their smart-ass ex-sensei to blush ten (maybe even twenty) shade of red. It was simply irresistible.

"_That's what he gets for his __cheekiness__ back at the site_." After enough basking in the moment she turned to Naruto.

"As for you I have something even better in mind." Naruto immediately snapped up, color draining from his face.

"I was thinking, after I have some fun completely destroying the romance, what would make a perfect finale… and then I thought, oh you're going to love this, what if the real Princess Yumi were to come barging in. I mean, chaos is bound to ensue and I don't know, I'm thinking a little chaos is just what we need to get out right?"

"Er, right?"

"Since I don't know where the real Princess is, thus making the odds that my little finale would naturally happen too slim for my liking, I think a replica of me would certainly do the trick. Furthermore, being in the company of the prince himself, I probably wouldn't be able to complete the jutsu myself. That's where you come in. You will play the part of the "real" princess." Finishing and quite satisfied with her ingenious ways of mixing payback with completing the task at hand, Sakura surveyed her work. Both Kakashi and Naruto seemed at a loss of words.

"_Apparently, they feel a little uncomfortable… maybe this day isn'__t so bad after__all_! CHYAW!"

"But, but, but, Sakura, isn't there any other way, I mean why do we have to play women?" Naruto whined begging for her to change her mind. Kakashi, although appearing to have calmed back to his usual level couldn't resist from adding his own two cents.

"I must agree with Naruto... I mean, I'm not sure I can even do as you have asked me. I understand your plan concerning Naruto but honestly, why do I have to act like a woman?" Sakura scowled.

"Because I said so, besides, you promised to help me." At this point Sakura knew just how to manipulate men to do her bidding. Curling her knees to her chest and bowing her head, she pretended to cry.

"Or maybe you guys don't even care about me… maybe you want me to marry that ugly old prince. You won't even swallow your pride just for a minute to help a sister out. I thought you guys were cooler than that." Kakashi rubbed his temple as he slung his arm tenderly around Sakura's shoulders.

"Oh jeeze… don't cry… this isn't very becoming of a kunoichi… oh alright I'll do it for you." Naruto conceded as well.

"Okay Sakura, just tell me what to do, I'll help you no matter what." Sakura hid a smile.

"Really? GREAT! You guys are the best! Now my plan will work perfectly!" Although he felt none the less awkward about his role, Naruto couldn't help but ask for more details.

"Okay Sakura now what exactly are you going to do. When do I come in, what's going on?" Sakura giggled playfully ruffling his hair.

"Princesses are supposed to be graceful, clean, sophisticated, and must demonstrate the best manners. This is exactly want Oni is wanting in a wife… and this is exactly the opposite of what I'm, well actually we're (she pointed to Kakashi) going to give him. I'm going to use every atrocious table habit in the book to drive him away from the idea of marrying me while you buffer it with an insistence that this is my usual behavior. If this isn't enough to cancel the wedding immediately. You (she pointed to Naruto) are going to rush in on my signal as the real Princess Yumi who has discovered that she has just been impersonated. When everybody is satisfyingly stupefied, we run… got it?" Despite their feelings of impending doom neither Kakashi nor Naruto could argue that this wasn't a truly brilliant plan. Naruto raised his hand.

"Yes Naruto?"

"Um, Sakura, what will the signal be?"

"Hm?" She thought to herself carefully. "The signal will be when I profess my undying love for the prince." Her teammates gasped at the idea. Kakashi attempted to change her mind.

"Sakura… you can't…that's too risky! What if he believes you, and tries to, I don't know, kiss you or something?" Flipping her hand she turned towards the closet where a gown apparently awaited her.

"Relax, it's not for real, obviously, besides, what man in this world wants a clingy women who wears her heart on her sleeve, eh? Exhibit A... my old crush on Sauske. ." The men agreed silently shrugging their shoulders. Really, what could you say to a comment like that? Sakura opened the closet revealing a stunning evening gown. It had red silk and a shape that would suit Sakura's body –type perfectly.

"_This dress is pretty… too pretty_!" Taking out a kunai she spoke over her shoulders.

"Alright boys, action!"

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Alright, now I'm open for suggestions, but nothing gross! This is supposed to be funny, not necessarily sick (although Kakashi in a dress is pushing it). Any rate I'll consider constructive suggestions!


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